Why “stranger danger” is not working and how to teach your child safety instead
Do you know why the concept of ‘stranger danger’ (or “tricky people”) is not working for teaching kids safety?
We were watching a cartoon that was supposed to teach safety to kids:
- “Who is this?” – my 4-year-old asked, pointing at the person hiding behind a tree and holding candy.
- “Eh… a bad guy?” – I suggested.
- "A stranger?" - he asked.
Uh-oh, I thought we needed to clear up what a stranger is. That's how this conversation started.
“Don’t talk to strangers” is an old-school rule sending confusing messages to your child.
Keep in mind that most products for teaching kids safety are outdated.
Modern kids need a modern approach to safety.
Why most kids do not understand the concept of "stranger danger"
Your kids are confused when you tell them:
- "DO NOT talk to a stranger"
- "DO NOT leave with a stranger"
Because kids don't understand who a stranger is!
Is a stranger a man or a woman?
Old or young?
Good-looking or ugly?
Nice or mean?
How does your child see strangers:
- Is a waiter a stranger?
- What about the waiter you see regularly?
- Is a teacher a stranger?
- What about a volunteering parent taking kids to the restrooms during a camp?
- Is a friend of a dad a stranger too?
- But is it safe to open the door to a dad's colleague who brought something while parents were at work? Is he a friend, or just (maybe) someone who works at the same company?
Are you confused? Your child is confused!
What are the safety consequences?
! Unprepared child
may not recognize an unsafe stranger and
may not respond in a safe way.
Why do bad guys in the movies and cartoons offer candy to attract a child?
Because most kids’ safety resources are outdated.
In the past, cities were small, and strangers were odd.
A stranger in a village was a big deal.
But modern kids interact with strangers every day.
The outdated scenarios mislead kids
What is your child thinking?
- “Oh, a stranger is a mean, ugly person wearing a mafia-style hat and a black mask. He is enticing a child with a candy from behind a tree. No good”.
What does the child learn?
- “Watch out for the black-hat men offering candy!”
What conclusion does your child reach?
- “But wait, I’ve got candy on Halloween, and nothing bad happened. Mom worries too much. I don’t think it’s dangerous”.
As a result:
- Your child doesn't consider that strangers could be dangerous.
- He painted the wrong portrait of a stranger in his mind (a white, middle-aged male in a particular environment and scenario).
The biggest safety problem with 3-8-year-olds
! Young kids understand the rules literally.
When you say:
- “Don’t take candy from strangers”
Your child, depending on the age and safety level may act as:
- “It’s okay to go in with a neighbor to get some cookies”.
Because you didn’t specifically mention the neighbors and the cookies.
What your child needs to know to be safe with strangers (and other people around)
Kids need to know the big picture of how safety works.
They need to keep themselves safe when you are not around.
They need to know how to handle safety situations you have never discussed.
Download a Free Step-by-step plan of what your kids need to know
"Rules for kids to be safe with strangers (and other people)"
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"It really opens your eyes to situations you may never have thought of"
- Sofia K, mom
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Can your child keep himself safe when you are not around?
Recommended product
Full safety course for parents of kids 3-10 years old
A modern approach to safety with people
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What parents say:
"The questions on this test made me think of how many important topics my kids still need to learn about safety.
Thank you for bringing it to my attention"
- Laura R, Mum of two
